The Man Behind the Curtain

 

   Authenticity. This word keeps popping up in all of the entrepreneurship podcasts I've been listening to lately and it seems to be a "new" idea for businesses. But, it makes more sense than anything else. People spend their money on companies with whom they connect and the way that is happening today is based on a business being real, showing the behind the scenes and connecting to the people running the show. But, it's more than just business! This should be true all across the board. I want to make it true in my life.

   All the time I feel like I need to filter myself and only put the best presented, most well rounded, shit together, not crazy, perfect self out there for others to see. But, let me tell you something. That doesn't work!! In trying to hide my crazy and act like a lady, as put by ms Miranda Lambert, I in the end make myself more crazy! I push down all my thoughts and feelings in fear of being vulnerable and judged and it just hurts me more than the potential words I'm trying to avoid. That really works out doesn't it?

   So along with goal #1, #2, and #3 I'm going to use this platform to try and break down my own walls and open up because I have another goal this will help accomplish.

Goal #4

is to make and sell something and start my own business. I haven't landed on just what I want all of that to be yet but, I do know that in order to give my business the best shot I need to lay some solid groundwork. So my goal to be consistent with my posting here is really a tool I plan on using in order to get my future business off the ground!

New Year. New Goals.

   So I'm not a resolutions person. I feel like anytime people make resolutions they say these outlandish things that contradict where they are currently in their life. Like the classic "I'm going to lose 10 pounds" but, they haven't taken any steps (even just mental prep steps) to accomplish this. I like to instead set yearly goals for myself. I see goals as something to get better at but, don't have to be mastered or completed by the end of the year, or even started right at the beginning of the year.

   I started jotting down a list of things I might want to work on in 2015 probably in November and have been slowly adding and editing that list until now. I ended up with 15 things on that list a couple of weeks ago and have been debating with myself ever since if that is just too many things to handle in one year. But, my slightly OCD self has a little thing with numbers and it's 2015 so why not try and tackle a 15 item list? So I had convinced myself that my list wasn't too long but I thought maybe some things are going to be too hard. I will talk more in depth about the exact list items later on but a lot on my list is entrepreneurial and photography related.

   Back to things maybe being too hard though. This morning in Church pastor was talking about the vision he had for the coming year. And the things he was saying were so powerful to me! I don't know if it makes me a bad Christian but, I was inspired not by the spiritual aspects of what he was saying but, by the courage it took to say such big numbers for a Church that only started 15 months ago (ah! 15 there it is again! haha). So I thought to myself this morning, if he can proclaim his goals in front of 600+ people, I can say mine aloud to myself and here. I always feel like I'll be judged for the things I don't accomplish and forget about everything I did actually do. But, I'm hoping that by making public my goals for 2015 that maybe I'll find accountability and encouragement to stick to it as the year goes on. #makeitpublicmakeithappen

   So, enough talk about goals and more talk about what they are. The first one is about this here blog. We've had an on again off again relationship since 2009 and I'm determined to make it work.

Goal #1

is to post at least once a week, tracking my goals and sharing more of my life. I have so many thoughts running through my head about this that I will share another time because this post is already long! So here's to 2015!!! Let's do this!

Time

   Time is a crazy thing. Days used to drag by as a kid. I remember going on 30 min car rides and wondering when would they ever end, and now I'm thinking if only I could find more time in the day. If only, if only, if only. Lately I've been craving more time to create, I'm behind on my scrapbook, I have loads of pictures from my trip and life keeps going that I want to record here in a timely fashion. I kept thinking less is really more, quality over quantity, and yadayada, but really what I'm needing is a schedule and the accountability to stick to it.

   I follow Elise's blog and Instagram and she posts every month under the hashtag #makeitpublicmakeithappen and that might be what I need to do too. I think 99% of the time I don't feel like I can post something because I don't have a Pinterest-worthy-thousands-of-likes-worth picture to go along with everything I have in my brain. Couple that with the fact that I live in a dark cave and never get nice pictures, I feel like I always have un uphill battle ahead of me.

   Anyway, enough of the downer talk, here is how I am going to attempt to fix my problem. Every day I come home for lunch and spend a half hour watching whatever's on TV and eating yogurt, well I don't know why I don't utilize that time to put some words on paper or for goodness sakes take pictures! I need a new organized system to plan and stick to blog projects where I can realistically see what time I have that can go into these ideas I have in my head. And third I need some discipline and accountability to actually do these things. Any accountability partners out there? ;)

   What are your tricks to staying organized and diligent with blogging/crafting?

Family Time in Venice

   I had never met Stephen's older half sister before, so when she and her family came down to Venice for a week vacation I was able to meet up with everyone at the beach. Emily flew in for a few days as well so it was a mini family reunion. We spent a few hours playing in the water and the sand, chatting and catching up. Then we headed to Herb and Patrice's for dinner. I really enjoyed getting to know more of my future family.

Let Your Dreams Guide You

   I've been thinking about getting a tattoo for quite a while and came up with this design a few years ago. Tattoos to me are a way to express what makes you who you are. They are artistic representations of your experiences and characteristics.

   I've always believed in following your dreams, it's what encouraged me to go to college across the country and pursue a career I've been dreaming about since I was ten years old. The dreamcatcher is a Native American object made of magical feathers and beads that is believed to filter out all bad dreams and only allow good thoughts to enter our mind.

   Along with the dreamcatcher I wanted to show that my dreams were more than just dreams. That they affected where I chose to go with my life. The compass was the perfect substitute to the woven center. It turned out so much better than I could have imagined and I love it so much!

   I got it done at Atomic Tattoo in the Citrus Park Mall in Tampa, FL by Phillip Wolves. I highly recommend him!!!

Exciting Things!

  OHMYGOSH!! I'm so excited to share that over the weekend my boyfriend of over 7 years and I are engaged!!!!! 

   Stephen was visiting from Miami for the weekend and when I came back from work to my apartment he was there to greet me. A few weeks before we were talking about poetry, which is something random we totally talk about on the reg lol. Anyway, after settling in for the evening he asks me if I want to hear a poem he wrote. Naturally I said of course. So instead of just reading from a notepad on his phone like I expected he pulls out a booklet from behind the couch!

   His poem walked through the history of our relationship, from meeting over the sale of mentos, Chinese dinner dates, my favorite flowers, and a few other major moments. The poem ended with him on one knee with the most beautiful ring in my face. I couldn't say yes fast enough!

   I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with my best friend!! He makes me happy every day and life with him is the most exciting thing to look forward to!

A New Family Member

  Welcome to the family Lilly!!! This is a dream come true for me. I've been very fortunate to have had a horse of "my own" since I was maybe 12 years old. But, as any truely horse crazy person, one just wasn't enough. And now I can say that I am the proud owner of two horses!!! The best I might add :).

  Lilly was a horse I fell in love with while in college and so I offered to provide her with a home if she should need a new place to live. Well, lucky me they said I could have her a year later! She is such a sweetie and I have been dying to get in the show ring!

All or Nothing

 I am a jump in with both feet kind of person. I can't commit only half of myself to anything. I am either really passionate about it and fully give myself to the task at hand or I could care less. All through high school nothing about what I was doing there interested me, so I only did as much as I needed to, and hardly that much, and I squeaked to the finish line. In college I was finally where I belonged, with people who were just like me and I was taking classes that I could take over and over again to learn every bit of information. I was in my zone and the work I did there proved it.

   Now that I am "all grown up" I no longer have the steady schedule of what classes I need to take to get me to where I want to go. There is no longer a road map to the destination. I have a job that is exactly what I need for my career right now and growing in this position will take time, I understand. But, I feel like I am missing that checklist to accomplish where I know where it will end. 

Being an adult is so open ended. And it's terrifying and exhilarating that I get to fill that blank canvas with a million things of whatever I want.

Long Distance Relationships

 Long distant relationships SUCK! My boyfriend and I have been together for close to seven years, or something like that - we don't really have an anniversary of when we officially started dating. But, for five of those years we have lived over an hour apart (this past year has been four hours!). At first, it wasn't so bad college was super busy and we would see each other when our schedules lined up and we were only an hour and a half away so not terrible. 

   As college plugged along we both got busier and busier (major understatement!) An hour and a half seemed impossible to accomplish. Whenever I actually had a day off he was booked full. Totally frustrating! Then, if it hadn't gotten bad enough I had the great idea to graduate a semester early and got a job in Florida. So with him in New Jersey and me in Florida things got tricky! Luckily, I'm dating an amazing guy and twice in three months he flew down to visit. 

   Then to add more complications, after he got a job fairly close to the job I had (and absolutely hated) I landed a dream job four hours northwest. Whomp whomp. So for the past year, every weekend one of us makes the trip to visit the other. It's a good thing this guy is my best friend cause otherwise I would have thrown in the towel a long time ago!

Some pros and cons about a long distance relationship (but let's start with the bad):

   Cons:

~Time wasted traveling

~Limited time together

~Communication or bust!

~Easy to grow apart

~Trust issues

~Lonliness

   Pros:

~Ability to develop still as individuals

~Time spent together will be more cherished

~Strengthened communication

~Time to yourself and your own friends

~Solidify trust

   A long distance relationship is definitely not for everyone! Even for us it started out working pretty well but now, I never want to do it ever again. Like ever! *A little T.Swift for ya there ;)*

Keep Moving

   For being the homebody that I am, I hate being in one place for an extended period of time. I start feeling trapped. The severity greatly depends on all of the variables at that time but, to a certain extent I always feel it. Feeling stuck is definitely something I seem to struggle with more now that I have graduated from college and no longer have that structure in my life. That set system of classes, homework, jobs, and an end goal.
 
   Now that I am in the "real world" I feel lost, like I'm sure many young twenty somethings feel but, this life is completely something I have never experienced before. For as long as I can remember I have been rushing from one thing to the next. Changing in the car, meals at 10pm, and being a four sport athlete from elementary school through high school to working four jobs, taking 20 credits, and graduating a semester early in college, this whole working one job and then having every evening to myself thing is totally foreign.

   I feel like I'm being so lazy on one hand but on the other I am being physically active outside five days a week as a full time job. I don't feel like going out and really doing anything else, especially not by myself. So, instead I sit in my apartment with my darling feline and dream of all of the other things I want to be doing. I long for more creative outlets, a community of people, and new adventures. I'm just not sure, at this time how to go about doing that. I'll figure it out one of these days, I'm sure of it!

Walking Contradiction

I absolutely hate being too hot,

The cold is miserable.

I like my comfort zone,

I want to try new things all the time.

The beach is relaxing,

Sand gets everywhere and its too windy.

I want to be more social,

I like being by myself (with my cat).

I dream of the future all the time, 

I never want to grow up.

I have the best job ever,

I wish the weekend was longer.

I want to build a house and settle down,

I want to sell everything and keep moving.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter! I had to work this morning but still got to enjoy a delicious dinner at Stephen's Aunt's house.

Happy Birthday Albert!

Happy Birthday little one! Shortly after bringing Albert home he got really sick and the vet told us that he wouldn't make it much longer. Six months later he has a clean bill of health and I have never been more happy for a misdiagnosis. So his first birthday had to be a celebration!