Saturday, January 30, 2010

I'm the Weiner!

So I'm still reading this book Searching for God Knows What and it keeps making me think about the way I am living my life and the way I want to live. I feel so conflicted about a few things.

This semester I am in a Contemporary Social Issues class and we talk about both the conservative view and the liberal view and I see flaws in both. But at the same time they both have their ways of making sense. Conservatives, or republicans, make decisions based on the people's ability to take care of themselves and government is just there to be preset organization in a way. Liberals, or democrats, are all about everyone being equal so everyone has the same amount of suffering or success as another.

I can tell you right now that in classes I've been in people react much better to taking ownership of what they're doing for themselves and simply being supervised, and that by making everyone the same it completely eliminates the ability for competition. But that right there has stopped me. In my book the author says that the need to be competitive is to prove to a jury of your peers that you are more worthy than another. Where does this need come from?

Don makes a very understandable point, that because of the fall, man's separation from God, the one who fulfilled all our emotional needs, we now look to others for worth. We compete everyday to prove our worth in order to stay in the "life boat." We determine who is the least worthy and the first to be thrown out of the boat, and that we compete with one another to secure our spot.

Sadly I can understand this. I am a very competitive person. I like playing games I might not always be good at them but its mainly a fun thing to do. But I also relate to the other side of this very well too. I need people to like me, approve of me, make me feel like I belong there. I've understood that the two could be connected but its made me take a step back and try to see if they connect a majority of the time for me.

(Haha and the title is sort of an inside joke. But it sounds like I'm the winner.)

Friday, January 29, 2010

Benefit Concert

Breakpoint Worship Team

Just Passing Thru

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's Live Ya'll

Tonight at Dave Barnes, Matt Wertz and Brandon Heath will talk and play live at 8pm Central Time!!! Its only $1.50 for a ticket to watch with all the proceeds going towards clean water. So get going and buy a ticket! :)

Saturday, January 23, 2010


I'm currently in the middle of this book called "Searching For God Knows What" By Donald Miller. I've read a book by Don before titled "Blue Like Jazz" and I recommend it to everyone, its a good read. So when I finished that book I knew I liked his style of writing and saw that He had a few more books out, so I picked up the next one He's published since Blue Like Jazz.

On the back where you would expect to find a brief paragraph about the book you get just this: "What if the deepest longings of your heart were there for a reason? Small-minded, boxed-in formulas of modern religion weren't the truth? The gospel of Jesus was not 'safe' after all, but full of intrigue, passion - and romance? How would your life be changed?"

When I first read this I thought this doesn't apply to me, especially after the last couple of books I've read. I get that religion, the Church and Christianity itself have turned God into something smaller so we can put Him in a box of understanding, I get that and I see it. But I bought the book anyway because I liked the first one and just six chapters into it I'm so glad I went ahead and bought it.

I have a feeling this will end up being a long post but bear with me. The first chapter talked about how we've turned religion into lists and formulas and how-to books in order to suit us. Then in chapter two he compares God to Santa in the way people view him, a nice guy who comes around every so often. Then in chapter three Don actually tells God that he doesn't exist and then thinks about why in the world he did that. When he found out Santa wasn't real he felt no need to tell Santa that he didn't exist so why had he done so with God?

In chapter four Don sees how the Bible itself speaks the underlying language of people, emotions. He goes to a class where they are taught about Moses and the books he wrote, which include Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, Deuteronomy and most likely Job. He talks about the way Moses writes, factual and narrative for the majority of it but then randomly stops and writes poetry. He did this because of situations and emotions and words of straight description weren't enough, he started speaking the language we all know to be as our emotions. This takes Don aback because this isn't what he'd percieved the Bible to be at all. It had always seemed to be lists of dos followed by even more don'ts, but this was personal, relational, truth.

In chapters five and six He starts talking about Adam and Eve. He talks about how God created Adam and acknowledged the fact that there wasn't a counterpart to him, no one he could communicate with and completely relate to. But before creating Eve God had Adam name all the animals of land, air and sea. Do you know how many that could have been? That would have taken forever!!! God had Adam do it this way so when He gave him Eve he would have a deep respect and appreciation for her. For him to truely understand the need and know that there was that emptiness.

Which leads me to the first thing I started to think about.

Its kind of making sense why God did that, theres almost a pattern to it. God wanted Adam to fully appreciate the gift that Eve was to him. Had she been there the whole time He wouldn't have seen her as something to be prized or special. She was truely a gift to him.

Which on a side note helped me understand why women are supposed to be treated so differently. I always saw it as we couldn't do things for ourselves and we needed to be babied but really we are the completing piece to man. Now I don't think we are God's gift to every man and need to be treated like royalty but I now understand why guys should be gentlemen.

Anyway back to the pattern. God does this again with His Son. Had Jesus come to forgive Adam & Eve's sin right away it wouldn't be appreciated. Imagine how hard that might have been for God to do. To sit and wait it out knowing the whole time what needed to happen but knowing He had to wait and let us suffer a bit so we actually understood what He was saving us from. Then before that God had to endure the pain of leaving those He loved so dearly. Adam and Eve got to walk around and have conversations with God Himself. That right there should blow your mind! No one since then has ever been able to do that. I don't remember the story exactly but someone was shown the back of God, not His face, and were blinded. Think of the power! And they were with Him like it was nothing. And then it all had to be taken away because God could no longer be around them, because He can't be around anything that isn't good, pure and holy. :( Ouch.

So all of this was hitting me in a different light than it ever had before and it depresses me. I went to a Christian school for goodness sake! I've heard every story ten times! And never before had I seen it for what it is. How come I can't get this from the Bible on my own? Why am I being told that this is the Bible's true form through another book? When I read it it seems like a boring book with a couple of stories mixed in. How come I haven't been able to see this compassion, love, passion, suffering, heartache before?

I went to the source, I opened my Bible to Genesis chapter 2 & 3 and there it was, just as Don said. Actually half of those two chapters he wrote were word for word from the Bible. I read it and was able to see his conclusions plain as the day. They didn't need to be decoded for me. So my conclusion through all of this is that I need to stop reading about what the Bible says and have that impact me, I need to read the thing itself. Just imagine what a greater impact that could have on me! Well know that I know that I have to be held accountable to it and make things happen.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Bullhorn. Rob Bell. Nooma.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Hello Again

I called this post "Hello Again" for two reasons. The first because I already have a post titled Love and then because of that I'm obviously revisiting a topic.

Love. It gets me thinking. And not in the hopeless romantic way where I'm waiting for true love, but in the way that its the only way to live. Its not even funny how many times I hear something and deduce it down to love. As I go through my notes I've taken so far in my notebook certain things pop out to me:

~What is here on earth doesn't matter the relationships do.
Relationships = Love.

~Where your treasure is your heart is there also.
Treasure = Heart. Heart = Love.

~The cross is God's way of saying..."I Know How You Feel"
Cross = Suffering. Suffering = Love.

~Actions speak louder than our words.
Action = Caring. Caring = Love.

~We only grow as we serve others.
Serving = Love.

And ya know what...There is only one reason that we can love and its because He first loved us. "We love because He first loved us." - 1 John 4:19 Plain and simple as that. It amazes me and has made me take a step back for a second. Anything and everything we do is based on either our love for ourselves or for others so I guess that means that had God not loved us first we would not be able to do anything! Good or bad. Doesn't that just make you stop and go hmmm? Love, what a simple thing that has such a huge effect on life.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


In my Fundamental Theories of Riding class we are starting way back in history to the origin of the horse. Apparently that means something like 60 million years ago. While Heather is explaining that horses used to look like rats and she's saying "don't ask me how it happened", "its so crazy that horses used to be so small", and stuff like that I'm thinking well wouldn't it be easier to comprehend that a horse was made a horse right to begin with?

Wouldn't it be easier to believe that all the complexities of the horse were made specifically for them? Wouldn't it be simpler to say that their chestnuts were put there just 'cause? I mean if they were back in the day a toe why didn't the evolve a thumb and grab things? What did only some animals decide they needed them and the others just were out of luck?

I think it makes more logical sense to say that the horse was created to be everything it is today. Sure I might not be able to offer such a long explanation of why things are the way they are, but I don't need to. I have a short and sweet answer to all those questions: "God wanted them that way so He made them that way." There done. Nothing more needs to be said. In all honesty it answers everything. Think about it.

Monday, January 18, 2010


I am officially back at school. After a long day of flying I did eventually get here. With a stop in Seattle and then on to Newark. My friend Garrett also happened to be on that same flight! Which worked out nicely because I got a ride back to school with him.

So today, because classes don't start until tomorrow, Candace and I went grocery shopping and then to keep us from boredom and fill some time we bought some plaster magnets to paint. It was great fun and took up a good hour!

Classes start tomorrow and I have my lesson with Michael and Theories of Riding with Heather. Should be a nice day spent at the barn!

Friday, January 15, 2010

Nasty Toe LOL

Yum! Yeah I know you all wanted to see that haha. I had to get an ingrown toenail removed again and it was pretty gross. But it shouldn't ever happen again because chemicals were used to stop that part from growing back. So now I just have a nasty hole filled with foam in my toe. And yay for Betadine soaks twice a day that is turning my foot a funny color.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Katie Herzig

Last night Sammie and I were called in to represent Mocha Club at one of their MC Sponsor's events. It turned out to be the Brandi Carlile concert at the Knitting Factory and Katie Herzig was the MC artist. Even though it was last minute Sammie and I were totally ready to go!

Both of us weren't really needed behind the MC table and Rachael, Brandi Carlile's Merch Rep, needed some more hands behind the counter. So I volunteered to work merchandise for the night. I learned how to work two different kinds of credit card machines and if you want to know how much a shirt cost just ask me lol.

Sammie talked to a lot of people while she was behind the MC table and helped set a sign-up record for Katie with 12 new people! Its so exciting to think that even if they are only signed up for one month that gives Mocha Club $84! And if they all stay for one year, thats $588!!! Just from one night! :) Awesome.

Katie was really nice and as a thank you for working the table we both got her new CD Apple Tree. I would recommend it to everyone! Its a sweet mix of playful lyrics and summery sounds. Track #10 is the song on one of the MC videos and another song uses words from "Say say oh playmate," the hand clapping game we would play when we were little, as a cute song called Forevermore.

The Mocha Club Table.

The Tour Bus!

Workin behind the counter! :)

Brandi Carlile.

All done.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Knoble Knights

I got officially Knighted at the Medieval dinner with my family and so I needed to knoble knight Jess while I was home. So between girls and boys varsity we went to Burger King to get crowns. Then off to my house to get swords I had in my basement.

Then after the game we went to Jess' house to knight her and watch a Knight's Tale. It was great to hang out with my tennis partner and relive some old memories and maybe start a new tradition.

The TV crew was at the game!

Kyle is a Knoble Squire!

Yay! Jess is Knoble ;)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Monkey Wrench

Monkey Wrench! It was weird that the game ended up on a Tuesday but it worked out, everyone still showed up. I understand why we play Northwest Christian because they are another Christian school in the area, but its slightly rediculous for us to put ourselves in a losing position every time.

Next year VC is moving down to 1B and Northwest is moving up to 1A. I think we need to find a new rival lol. Oh well, not really my business anymore. It was really nice to see all of my friends and just hang out one more time before I have to go.

So excited lol.

Thanks to Ashley for getting our great tattoos! Haha :)


Hey Burrito!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


Psalms 61:2 - "I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

People have told me to make decisions based on what makes me happy, but what happens when my happiness is determined by those around me? Why do I let things others say and do determine how I feel about something? Does that mean that whatever that is, that makes me happy really doesn't make me happy if I'm questioning it? Why am I so confused? Why do I seem to be always so confused? Ugh.

I just want to curl up in the safety of God's presence and let everything happen without me doing anything. I want to bury my face in his jacket and have the conflicts disappear. I hate conflicts. With people and within myself. Right now there is both :/. I can't tell which came first the chicken or the egg but both are here now and I don't know how to take care of either of them. Help!

I need to get to Church. I have only gone once since being home and that was on Christmas eve. Since being at school I have gone to some kind of "Church" service about four times every weak. I think I am going through withdrawals. I don't know how to get what I need. Why do I feel like this is one of those times where I need to feed myself?

Monday, January 4, 2010


I've never really done New Years resolutions before so I thought I would give it a try this year. Most resolutions are given up on all too quickly and I can't say that I'll do any better. Hopefully I am able to work them into my routine and then they just become habit. Of course I have a list of things so here we go:

1. Learn to play the guitar. I have one but its just collecting dust, and every time someone plays one I'm so super bummed that I can't. I know this will be a hard and frustrating because I wish I could just pick it up and play with the best of them. But I know that will never be the case :/. So I really want to put in the real effort to learn.

2. Work out. I'm no couch potato but I do need to get moving more. Riding is a great strength work out but I need to something more. I'm just never motivated to go out to the gym, I don't know what I'm doing there and I don't do well by myself. I need to find some kind of class or a dedicated buddy.

3. Know my Bible. I've read a lot of books (shhh!) about applying what it talks about but I haven't really studied it itself to know it inside and out. I want it to be that when a verse pops into my head that I don't have to google it. To say that I'll read it every day is a unreasonable thing to say right now but I definitely want to work up to that.

I think that's it, but I would say it is pretty ambitious as it is. I really hope that I am able to make a dent in my goals over the next year.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Everyone Needs a Little

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Verse 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

These verses popped into my head last night and they really comforted me. I feel that I'm in a sticky situation and going to God's word helped me feel that things will be alright. I went to sleep with my IPod on and this song came on and it said all that I needed to hear.

Everyone Needs a Little by Kari Jobe

Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Come lay your burden on the word

Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night

And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little

Sing all ye saints and ye sinners
Call upon the mercy of the Lord
Come sing the song of redemption
Sing about the hope that is to come

Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night

And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little

He will lift you up
He will lift you up higher than sorrow
He will lift you up
And cover your soul with healing

Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night

And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little

Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night

And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little

Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven

Friday, January 1, 2010


Happy New Year!!! Goodness 2009 was a crazy fun year. I did so much. Here is a small recap.

Last January was the Monkey Wrench, snow days, planning graduation and doing half-time games for Mocha Club. February contained Basketball senior night, valentine's day, the school auction and turning scholarship paperwork. Tennis started in March along with a Richard Keller Clinic and the end of 3rd quarter. Spring break started April off and Jr. Sr. Retreat and Banquet followed it up. May was absolutely crazy with a tennis tournament, the AP test, senior finals, Districts, State and Graduation.

June slowed down with our Senior Trip, graduation parties, and a horse show. July was difficult for me aside from the fun I had at Silverwood, another Richard Keller Clinic, working with Polo ponies, the Emerging Athletes Program, heading over to Creation Fest and celebrating my 18th birthday early. Most of August was spent in the car driving over to Centenary and starting my first year in college!

September brought the unexpected surprise of playing volleyball. In October I was able to show in 3 horse shows, two IHSA and one schooling show put on by the school. November I spent the Thanksgiving holiday over at my friend Candace's house. And December brought me my first college finals along with coming home!!

When I look back on the year there have been my share of bad times countered by so many great times! I loved being able to ring in the new year with some of my friends. I had a great time with Ashley, Emily, Kyle, Austin and Stephen. Hopefully the year will be one full of great fun and memories with all of those I love. I'm not sure what 2010 will have in store for me but I'm ready to take it all head on. Here we go :)!!!