Psalms 61:2 - "I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I."
People have told me to make decisions based on what makes me happy, but what happens when my happiness is determined by those around me? Why do I let things others say and do determine how I feel about something? Does that mean that whatever that is, that makes me happy really doesn't make me happy if I'm questioning it? Why am I so confused? Why do I seem to be always so confused? Ugh.
I just want to curl up in the safety of God's presence and let everything happen without me doing anything. I want to bury my face in his jacket and have the conflicts disappear. I hate conflicts. With people and within myself. Right now there is both :/. I can't tell which came first the chicken or the egg but both are here now and I don't know how to take care of either of them. Help!
I need to get to Church. I have only gone once since being home and that was on Christmas eve. Since being at school I have gone to some kind of "Church" service about four times every weak. I think I am going through withdrawals. I don't know how to get what I need. Why do I feel like this is one of those times where I need to feed myself?
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
Resolutions
I've never really done New Years resolutions before so I thought I would give it a try this year. Most resolutions are given up on all too quickly and I can't say that I'll do any better. Hopefully I am able to work them into my routine and then they just become habit. Of course I have a list of things so here we go:
1. Learn to play the guitar. I have one but its just collecting dust, and every time someone plays one I'm so super bummed that I can't. I know this will be a hard and frustrating because I wish I could just pick it up and play with the best of them. But I know that will never be the case :/. So I really want to put in the real effort to learn.
2. Work out. I'm no couch potato but I do need to get moving more. Riding is a great strength work out but I need to something more. I'm just never motivated to go out to the gym, I don't know what I'm doing there and I don't do well by myself. I need to find some kind of class or a dedicated buddy.
3. Know my Bible. I've read a lot of books (shhh!) about applying what it talks about but I haven't really studied it itself to know it inside and out. I want it to be that when a verse pops into my head that I don't have to google it. To say that I'll read it every day is a unreasonable thing to say right now but I definitely want to work up to that.
I think that's it, but I would say it is pretty ambitious as it is. I really hope that I am able to make a dent in my goals over the next year.
1. Learn to play the guitar. I have one but its just collecting dust, and every time someone plays one I'm so super bummed that I can't. I know this will be a hard and frustrating because I wish I could just pick it up and play with the best of them. But I know that will never be the case :/. So I really want to put in the real effort to learn.
2. Work out. I'm no couch potato but I do need to get moving more. Riding is a great strength work out but I need to something more. I'm just never motivated to go out to the gym, I don't know what I'm doing there and I don't do well by myself. I need to find some kind of class or a dedicated buddy.
3. Know my Bible. I've read a lot of books (shhh!) about applying what it talks about but I haven't really studied it itself to know it inside and out. I want it to be that when a verse pops into my head that I don't have to google it. To say that I'll read it every day is a unreasonable thing to say right now but I definitely want to work up to that.
I think that's it, but I would say it is pretty ambitious as it is. I really hope that I am able to make a dent in my goals over the next year.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Everyone Needs a Little
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Verse 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
These verses popped into my head last night and they really comforted me. I feel that I'm in a sticky situation and going to God's word helped me feel that things will be alright. I went to sleep with my IPod on and this song came on and it said all that I needed to hear.
Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Come lay your burden on the word
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Sing all ye saints and ye sinners
Call upon the mercy of the Lord
Come sing the song of redemption
Sing about the hope that is to come
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
He will lift you up
He will lift you up higher than sorrow
He will lift you up
And cover your soul with healing
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little
Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Verse 13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
These verses popped into my head last night and they really comforted me. I feel that I'm in a sticky situation and going to God's word helped me feel that things will be alright. I went to sleep with my IPod on and this song came on and it said all that I needed to hear.
Everyone Needs a Little by Kari Jobe
Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Come lay your burden on the word
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Sing all ye saints and ye sinners
Call upon the mercy of the Lord
Come sing the song of redemption
Sing about the hope that is to come
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
He will lift you up
He will lift you up higher than sorrow
He will lift you up
And cover your soul with healing
Come and find peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Peace
Everyone needs a little rest
Everyone needs a little joy
And a song to sing in the darkest night
And life even when it gets you down
Hope will turn it all around
But love is the greatest of these
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little
Everyone needs a little
Come all ye weary and ye broken
Come to the table of the Lord
Come sing the song of the forgiven
Friday, January 1, 2010
2010!
Happy New Year!!! Goodness 2009 was a crazy fun year. I did so much. Here is a small recap.
Last January was the Monkey Wrench, snow days, planning graduation and doing half-time games for Mocha Club. February contained Basketball senior night, valentine's day, the school auction and turning scholarship paperwork. Tennis started in March along with a Richard Keller Clinic and the end of 3rd quarter. Spring break started April off and Jr. Sr. Retreat and Banquet followed it up. May was absolutely crazy with a tennis tournament, the AP test, senior finals, Districts, State and Graduation.
June slowed down with our Senior Trip, graduation parties, and a horse show. July was difficult for me aside from the fun I had at Silverwood, another Richard Keller Clinic, working with Polo ponies, the Emerging Athletes Program, heading over to Creation Fest and celebrating my 18th birthday early. Most of August was spent in the car driving over to Centenary and starting my first year in college!
September brought the unexpected surprise of playing volleyball. In October I was able to show in 3 horse shows, two IHSA and one schooling show put on by the school. November I spent the Thanksgiving holiday over at my friend Candace's house. And December brought me my first college finals along with coming home!!
When I look back on the year there have been my share of bad times countered by so many great times! I loved being able to ring in the new year with some of my friends. I had a great time with Ashley, Emily, Kyle, Austin and Stephen. Hopefully the year will be one full of great fun and memories with all of those I love. I'm not sure what 2010 will have in store for me but I'm ready to take it all head on. Here we go :)!!!
Last January was the Monkey Wrench, snow days, planning graduation and doing half-time games for Mocha Club. February contained Basketball senior night, valentine's day, the school auction and turning scholarship paperwork. Tennis started in March along with a Richard Keller Clinic and the end of 3rd quarter. Spring break started April off and Jr. Sr. Retreat and Banquet followed it up. May was absolutely crazy with a tennis tournament, the AP test, senior finals, Districts, State and Graduation.
June slowed down with our Senior Trip, graduation parties, and a horse show. July was difficult for me aside from the fun I had at Silverwood, another Richard Keller Clinic, working with Polo ponies, the Emerging Athletes Program, heading over to Creation Fest and celebrating my 18th birthday early. Most of August was spent in the car driving over to Centenary and starting my first year in college!
September brought the unexpected surprise of playing volleyball. In October I was able to show in 3 horse shows, two IHSA and one schooling show put on by the school. November I spent the Thanksgiving holiday over at my friend Candace's house. And December brought me my first college finals along with coming home!!
When I look back on the year there have been my share of bad times countered by so many great times! I loved being able to ring in the new year with some of my friends. I had a great time with Ashley, Emily, Kyle, Austin and Stephen. Hopefully the year will be one full of great fun and memories with all of those I love. I'm not sure what 2010 will have in store for me but I'm ready to take it all head on. Here we go :)!!!
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